This is so much better than Vote or Die.
Here’s an article I wrote for Buzzfeed let me know what you think or if you think I missed anything PLEASE let me know.
Ben Affleck has been chosen to play Bruce Wayne in the Superman vs. Batman movie directed by Zack Snyder that comes out in Summer 2015 according to The Guardian. Some of you may remember Zack Snyder for bringing one of the most acclaimed graphic novels of all time to the silver screen, The Watchmen, but you most likely remember him from this summer’s Man of Steel starring Henry Cavil who will reprise his role as Clark Kent in Superman vs Batman. A huge step up from Bryan Singer’s 2006 movie Superman Returns starring Brandon Routh.
So please forgive my confusion when concerning this most recent selection from Snyder. We all saw Argo, bravo, but we also saw Daredevil and we will never forget. That movie still haunts my mind like the image of me walking in on my parents when I was five and seeing them play what they would later tell me was “The Pogo Game”. I thought Ben was going down a new path following this directing niche, it seemed like a good fit, but no. This man dares to dawn the cape and cowl possibly because messing up one comic book universe simply wasn’t enough. I just don’t understand how you go from Orlando Bloom and Joseph Gordon Levitt to Gigli. And I swear if I find out that Christopher Nolan had anything to do with this decision I will lose all respect I gained for him after watching Batman Begins and maybe a little from Memento as well. The question still remains though who will be a worse Batman Affleck or George Clooney.
P.S. If I see Jennifer Garner on these credits I will start a Kickstarter fund to help me personally stop production of this movie.
I know this has been out for a while but I just had to say something about this girl throwing a ball down like she’s about to battle Brock in Vermillion City gym. Did no one test her throwing capabilities before the game? If they did they are a true asshole to let her go through with this. I’m just waiting for someone to make a GIF of Squirtle popping out to battle Onyx.
A 70 year old man recently was admitted to the emergency room for having a fork stuck up his urethra. The article says he was doing it to seek “sexual gratification”. I don’t understand how he discovered sticking things up there gets him off, but I feel like even most masochists wouldn’t delve this deep into depravity, maybe he was a student of David Carradine. Not so surprisingly this isn’t the first time that someone tried to stick something up the forbidden zone nor is a fork the most interesting. Among cutlery pens, carrots, and even a light bulb which I would think is physically impossible to get up their but I guess if you have the will you’ll find a way. The top of the list for me is the snake though, so many questions arise: what was the guy thinking, and more importantly what was the snake thinking? To me nothing tops trying to stick an actual wiggling writhing creature into the smallest orpheus of your body that is only meant to export. You gotta love Australians and their dirty down unders.
Soooo Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer did an article for Vogue accompanied with a futuristic Taylor Swift album cover themed photo shoot? Yea I can’t really explain it either. Granted I only skimmed the article, and by skimmed I mean I read the bullet points that came on the side of the CNN article about the Vogue article whose subject was Marissa Mayer.
Mayer recently made headlines for taking away Working From Home for Yahoo employees. This picture only reaffirmed what many Yahoo employees originally thought after her hiring, “I knew you were trouble when you walked in.”