A 70 year old man recently was admitted to the emergency room for having a fork stuck up his urethra. The article says he was doing it to seek “sexual gratification”. I don’t understand how he discovered sticking things up there gets him off, but I feel like even most masochists wouldn’t delve this deep into depravity, maybe he was a student of David Carradine. Not so surprisingly this isn’t the first time that someone tried to stick something up the forbidden zone nor is a fork the most interesting. Among cutlery pens, carrots, and even a light bulb which I would think is physically impossible to get up their but I guess if you have the will you’ll find a way. The top of the list for me is the snake though, so many questions arise: what was the guy thinking, and more importantly what was the snake thinking? To me nothing tops trying to stick an actual wiggling writhing creature into the smallest orpheus of your body that is only meant to export. You gotta love Australians and their dirty down unders.